nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
