omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So squirting runs in the family.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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