I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
