puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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