"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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