Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
