This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
