Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
