So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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