Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
