Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
