After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
