I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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