I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
