Im at strip club and am horny
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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