the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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