You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
