i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
