it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
