the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
