I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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