You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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