Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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