Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
