i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize