Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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