She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my shit smells like andre
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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