found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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