btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize