I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just cropdusted the office
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
