dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
