Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
