You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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