Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
