is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
