All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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