You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize