I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize