When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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