Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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