Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
