this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
