I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
