he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My liver just had a heart attack.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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