Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
