Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
