My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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