We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
