went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
