ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
