The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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