how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
