I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
