please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
