Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
