thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
