Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
