i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
two words...techno handjob
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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