Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
