I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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