If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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