rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
