I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
