I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
