What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
