Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Of course I have a pirate flag
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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