this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize