Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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