You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
