i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize