Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
