Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
