Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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