i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
