The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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