so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
