In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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