8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
