if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
